Session Six: Week 3

Tuesday

Tonight we focused on getting to know each other. There are three questions that we always ask at the beginning of the process, and, after a name game, we took turns answering them:

1)What brings you to Shakespeare?

2) What is the gift you bring to the ensemble?

3)What do you hope to get out of Shakespeare?

Some answers included:

“I love this – what we do, the process, the hard work that culminates in successful shows the last four years.”

“I hope to make connections with other people, and I hope to grow into a well-rounded individual that can connect, be normal, and have feelings.”

“I want to learn more about myself and the characters, learn to relate to things that are different, see from other perspectives, and make friendships.”

“I hope to become something great at home from getting out emotions through the characters.”

“I want to gain discipline and people skills – dealing with life on life’s terms. We learn to work through situations and not quit when things get hard.”

“This is my favorite thing that I do. I love the process. The performance is a whole new high – we follow through and don’t flake. It’s nine months of something I never thought I could do. This is my family. You will bare your soul because Shakespeare is timeless. This is a safe place. These are my best friends. ”

“I thought I was too old, but the unity has brought me back – the bond. Someone said something about safe space. The outpour from everyone, their concern – I want to take what I’ve seen, get people to send money and supplies. I’m proud to be a part of this and want to let society know about this work.”

We wrapped up by saying goodbye to a member who is going home tomorrow. We wished her luck and sent her on her way with enthusiasm and the feeling of camaraderie she has often expressed as the thing she loves most about our group.

We also took on a challenge of performing the opening soliloquy of the play on Friday, whether memorized or not. We’ll see how it goes.

Friday

Tonight after our warm up, we decided to jump right into monologues. One of our new members volunteered to go first. She read from her chair and said that it felt good, even though she stumbled in a few spots.

Then one participant asked if we had to do the opening soliloquy or if we could choose something different. “You can do whatever you want,” I said. A new member leaned over to the person next to her and said, “How often do you hear that?”

Another new member read her piece from her chair, stating that she had been trying to memorize it but was just too nervous to work without her notes. A returning member reassured her, saying, “Ifyou were uncomfortable, I couldn’t tell. You made me comfortable.”

At this point, people started volunteering to read and/or perform all sorts of pieces from the play. As it turns out, many of them had been intrigued by other characters and wanted to explore them instead of Richard. One woman read one of Richmond’s pieces, working to incite our group to go into battle with her. The response was enthusiastic and invigorating.

Others felt drawn to Margaret. “She’s just angry and hurt because she’s lived this life for so long,” said one woman. “Now she has nowhere to go.” This same woman later remarked about Anne, “I can’t feel the hatred of Richard. I feel like I’ve known hurt and something being taken from me that meant a lot.”

Another woman read Anne’s speech over Henry’s corpse. It was powerful, and she said, “I felt like it was just coming out of me, like I couldn’t contain it.”

A pair of ensemble members read a scene in which Margaret curses Richard. “I think part of the reason why he hates himself is the mother,” said one of the women. “There’s so much dysfunction in this family… You just know that it’s bad.”

We branched off into a discussion about how we handle mistakes in performance. Returning members of the group mentioned using the improvising skills we develop to help recover from anything that goes haywire. We told stories of past mistakes and how we dealt with them, and there was a lot of laughter.

At the end of our meeting, two participants read to us from the journals they are keeping about our work. We all loved hearing their reflections, and the group decided that anyone who wants to read in the future is welcome to do so.

We decided to each choose a different piece to work on for Tuesday. After this, I imagine we’ll begin our reading and analysis of the play, but the group is already ahead of where they usually are at this point. I would credit this to our use of the “No Fear” Richard III, which has made it so people for whom the language is unfamiliar can still read and understand the plot.

Session Six: Week 1 and 2

Friday, September 2

On this first night of our sixth season, many members returned, and we all welcomed our newcomers. We had a casual conversation about the purpose of the group, some of our challenges, and what we enjoy about our work. There was a lot of laughter and some very earnest conversations.

“This is the place to be… or not to be,” joked a returning member.

“Even when you don’t want to come, come… Those were some of my best moments,” shared another.

“All the emotions you want to show on grounds, but you can’t… You can in here,” said another member.

“You can take off your mask in here,” said a longtime member.

We played a game to end the evening, and the new members left smiling and enthusiastic about returning to the group. We are all fired up for another year.

Tuesday, September 6

Tonight we began with our usual check-in and warm up. Many people shared during check-in, both the good and the bad things happening in their lives. The atmosphere in the room is already one of support, and the new members embraced our warm ups without complaints.

This season, we have been given permission by the prison to conduct a case study of our program that will measure participants’ identity development. We took some time to go over this case study – what it’s about and how it will be conducted – and made sure everyone understood prior to signing a consent form agreeing or declining to take part in the study.

We then decided to dig into the opening soliloquy of Richard III. We went around the circle, each reading one line, and then we talked about what we had gotten out of it. “He hates himself,” said one person. “He hates everybody. He’s so angry,” said another. We then broke the piece down, word by word, to see what else we could discover. Following that, several people read it on its feet, circling around the group and connecting with us.

This led us into a more in-depth conversation about Richard and his motivations (returning members had the summer to read the play and have a lot of insight already).

We talked about Richard’s appearance and how it might affect him. “Why wouldn’t I be the bad guy since I look like the bad guy?” said one person. “He’s jealous and envious of normal people with normal lives,” said another. “He wants to be the leader,” said one participant. “He’ll stop at nothing to be king. He’s heartless.”

Someone suggested that Richard’s actions might be considered evil. “It’s not evil,” responded one woman. “It’s all these hurt emotions stuffed down for years. I feel sorry for this guy.” Someone else suggested that Richard may have low self esteem, even with a seemingly inflated ego. “He seems like he only takes joy from others’ misery. He enjoys it – the plotting, the planning, the gratification of seeing what he put into it. He’s not just some average villain – he’s the epitome of it.”

We talked a bit about Richard’s crimes. “If you kill somebody and have good in you, you’ll probably feel some type of way about it,” said one woman. “But he doesn’t He takes pleasure from it.” Another said, “He’s probably had years of abuse and anger. He wants to give back what was given to him.”

The returning members assured the newcomers that working with the text will get easier, and the new folks seemed enthusiastic about continuing.

We determined that only 11 people in our group will still be in prison when we perform in June, so we decided to add more people for Friday’s meeting. Our goal is to end up with about 15 people who are able to perform.

Friday, September 9

We welcomed more newcomers into the group this evening. We did brief introductions, our check in and ring exercise, and then we launched into a name game. This was a lot of fun and created a very warm and inviting atmosphere for those joining the group.

Kyle took aside the people who had not yet learned about the case study to fill them in, and the rest of the group played improve games. Those who are returning members took the lead and invited the others to join in. Some are more hesitant than others, but everyone was smiling.

We then decided to return to that opening soliloquy. One participant remarked that she couldn’t stop thinking about it and had made a lengthy journal entry, sorting through her thoughts. “Jeez, William,” she joked, “Can we not even get through the first monologue? It made my mind go in a thousand different directions.” Several more people got up to do the piece, and one person commented on how challenging it is to maintain the hunchback physicality. This lead to a discussion about how open to interpretation the physical deformity is.

People are already starting to think about casting, and which parts they are drawn to. It’s unusual for this kind of ownership to be taking place so early, and it’s exciting.

We’re looking forward to digging deeper into the play next week. We’re off to a great start.

Session Five: Week 41

Tuesday

Everyone arrived tonight ready and calm for our final show. Again, the ensemble worked together as a team to help each other through the rough spots and gave it their all. The woman who had been very upset last week nailed her scenes this week and clearly felt much better.

Once again, our audience gave us a standing ovation. It was well-earned, and put a nice stop on the performance part of our process. I distributed completion certificates and urged everyone to attend our final meeting on Friday, when we’ll discuss the program in general – what’s going well, and what needs improvement.

Friday

A good number of our ensemble members were present tonight to assess this year’s program, and those who weren’t present sent along their greetings and intentions to continue the program next year.

One of the issues brought up by the group was the “messiness” of our performances. Everyone agrees that this is due to inadequate rehearsal, caused mainly by absences and early departures. Some feel that there is also not enough structure. Our solution to this is to come up with a stricter attendance policy in the fall, to bump up our casting date to November (which we are hoping will be aided by next year’s use of the “No Feare” Richard III), and to have a rehearsal schedule of sorts so that people can make sure they are present when their scenes are being worked.

Due to those absences, we were not able to spend very much time on ensemble building during the rehearsal phase of our process. The group feels that we need to bring that back, and we hope that the solutions outlined above will make it so we have more time for group activities.

I then asked the group for an honest appraisal of the facilitators’ work. I anticipated constructive criticism, but the ensemble had nothing but praise to heap on us. They are incredibly grateful for our enthusiasm and commitment, and for the respect that we show them. “You made me feel like a human being,” said one woman.

One of the ensemble members, who had a very rough time this year, expressed her thanks to the group for sticking with her and helping her through. “It was an honor that you shared all of that with us,” said one woman. “You helped us, too.”

I asked the group how our pilot program with student facilitators worked. They expressed enthusiasm for this new aspect of our program. “New people on our side are unusual,” said one ensemble member. “It’s part of our escape.” Another woman said, “We’re helping them more than they’re helping us. That makes me feel better.”

The group then launched into an open discussion about the program, which wound its way back to facilitator feedback. A woman who has been in the group for four years got very emotional, saying, “I think everyone has a ‘better person.’” She looked at me. “You are my better person… I feel like you’re raising me. No one raised me at home. I’ve changed because of you.” I expressed what an honor it is for me to be that person for her, and my deep appreciation of everything she brings to the group.

Another woman said that she appreciates the way we model the handling of conflict and criticism. “We deal with real life situations in real life ways.”

Another woman specifically spoke about having Kyle in the group. “Guys are nice,” she said, becoming tearful. “They’re not all sleaze balls. They’re not all tricks… I used to think, am I ever going to be able to look at men and not see something sick inside of them? But Kyle’s just a normal guy, and it gives me hope for my future. If I hadn’t had you as a male around me, I wouldn’t have been able to grow like I have, for my life on the outside. I’m gonna be normal again, and it’s gonna be okay.”

We left feeling positive and excited to come back together after our summer break. I can’t wait.

Session Five: Week 40

Tuesday

Our second performance showed incredible progress for the ensemble. People had clearly been reviewing their lines, and the result was a more “accurate” and smoother performance.

The ensemble received another standing ovation, which was well deserved! Nearly everyone left feeling very good about what we had accomplished.

One member of the ensemble was very upset because her scenes hadn’t gone as well as others. After some encouragement from facilitators and one of our guests, she appeared to feel a bit better.

Friday

After an extended check in, we launched into a discussion about our second performance and the group in general.

One ensemble member shared that she had been upset following the first performance – lines were so all over the place that she hadn’t felt safe on stage. She then shared that she had not felt safe to share how upset she was with the group because we seemed opposed to any negative feedback. Everyone agreed that we need to do a better job of welcoming every viewpoint, and that people who do have negative feedback simply need to choose words that are respectful rather than inflammatory.

I had suggested that we work on some of the scenes that had been tripping us up, and an ensemble member shared that this was upsetting to her because we hadn’t worked on them last week. We then realized that the reason one of the scenes seemed more than a little messy to me was that everyone in the scene had met separately and made cuts which they’d forgotten to give to me. We made sure that everyone in the group had the cuts.

We then talked about the mixed reactions that the performances have been getting. Although both received enthusiastic applause at the end, some people have heard negative feedback; some people who saw last year’s show felt that this year’s wasn’t as good. Others thought it was our best yet. The ensemble feels that the second performance was definitely better, and, in the end, we are holding tight to the feeling that we’re doing good work together.

We then talked about our group dynamic. The messiness of these performances has a lot to do with absences and early departures from the group, and we concluded that we need to set a stricter attendance policy going forward. We also talked about how we handle confrontation – how we can learn from it even when it makes us uncomfortable.

Ultimately, everyone agreed that they are learning a lot and having a positive experience. We left things on a positive note, ready for our final performance next week. 

Session Five: Week 39

Tuesday

Tonight was our first performance. Everyone arrived with wonderful, positive energy. Several of them remarked that they were surprised not to feel very nervous, while others were buzzing with nerves. We all worked together to set up props, costumes, our set pieces, and the sound equipment.

As we gathered to bring down our ring, we all spoke aloud the energy that we were putting into it. Teamwork. Fun. Positivity. Confidence. Strength. And on.

Our audience stuck with us through the entire performance. In the past, audience members have sometimes left early, but not this year. Although the play didn’t always go exactly as we planned, our audience’s reactions were proof that they recognized the hard work being done; the challenge undertaken; the power of the ensemble to buoy each other through any mistake. We received a loud standing ovation at the play’s end.

The hiccups in performance were sometimes obvious, and sometimes not. The ensemble banded together to make it through, even when lines were skipped, or the audience laughed at a serious moment, or an entrance was missed, or a prop was off stage when it should have been on.

We have had challenges in the last few months with casting and attendance of those playing the lead characters, and so parts of our play are definitely under-rehearsed. That didn’t stop us from plowing through them, faking it when we had to, and feeding people lines and blocking from the wings.

Even with these challenges, or perhaps because of them, the performance is an important part of our process. If the performance had been perfect, there would have been fewer opportunities to “save” one another, which affirms the trust we’ve put into every member of the ensemble.

Friday

For the past few years, we’ve always performed in back to back meetings, with no opportunity to debrief in detail between performances. This year, though, due to scheduling conflicts in the auditorium, we are not able to perform on Fridays. The group decided to meet between performances, and tonight was one of those nights.

As people arrived, they shared the positive reactions we had gotten from our audience. One woman remarked how amazing it was that our audience stayed through to the end. Another shared that people to whom she spoke said that even when they didn’t understand it, they enjoyed it – and, she said, “It was the little mistakes that made it for them.” Someone had said to her, “At first I didn’t understand, but then I started to get it.”

Our Othello shared that although she had been so nervous the week before, prior to and during the performance she didn’t feel nervous at all. “I was totally mellow,” she said.

In private conversation before most people were there, a longtime ensemble memberhad shared with me and another longtime member that she felt the performance was “horrible,” and she felt that after nine months it should have been better. I asked her if maybe using a less inflammatory word would serve her better. I said that I didn’t feel it had been horrible – that it had been “messy,” and that that had its own value in terms of the many opportunities it provided for us to problem solve together. She agreed that perhaps another word would be better.

A third longtime ensemble member had overheard this conversation, and during our group discussion suggested that using words like “horrible” can be hurtful to people and perhaps disrespectful. The woman who had used that word jumped in, stating that she was entitled to her opinion and should be able to be honest about it.  “You can be honest and use different words,” the first woman said, but unfortunately things escalated very quickly and the two began snapping and yelling at each other. At a certain point I was able to make my voice heard, suggesting that this was not constructive and needed to stop.

The group then addressed the messiness of the performance. The bottom line, most people felt, is that we did our best, and our audience enjoyed it. “If you do your best and put the work in,” said one woman, “You’ll get better results each time.” Kyle reminded the group that the performance is the tip of a very big iceberg – that the nine-month process has been extremely meaningful, and that’s where our focus should be.

Another woman said, “It’s no secret that if we were in a Broadway show, we’d all be fired.” We all laughed. “But we’re not,” she continued, “And I consider it a successful disaster. There’s not much we get to enjoy, but we did that and can be proud of it.” She then shared with us that a particularly ornery woman who “enjoys nothing” told her that she had enjoyed the show. “We did that,” she said again. “It was our disaster.”

Another woman said jokingly, “All I know is I brought a sword to the sword fight this time.” Everyone laughed.

“You know,” said one woman who was new to the group this year, “Last year when I saw the show, I forgot I was in prison for awhile. You could have screwed up all day, and I would have felt like I wasn’t here. Don’t be hard on us or on each other.”

Our Desdemona reminded us all that, with all of the mistakes, there had been moments of undeniable power. “The slap brought people almost to tears,” she said, stating that a woman to whom she spoke said she “felt like she really had been there, as a woman.”

We distributed and took an end-of-year survey, following which the woman who had a problem with the use of the word “horrible” stood up and informed me that she wouldn’t be coming back. I asked her if I could speak with her in the hall. She agreed. I encouraged her to share everything that was on her mind. She and the woman with whom she’d had the spat have a history, and although they are both dedicated to the group, they rarely speak – and when they do, it tends to be contentious. I reminded her that none of us are perfect and all of us are growing; that I understood why she had a problem with that word, but that I had already spoken to the woman who said it about adjusting, and that that’s a learned skill.

They are both truly valuable to the ensemble, and I reminded her of that. I said that there are likely to be people whom one doesn’t like in any working environment, and while these two don’t have to be friends or even like each other, we need to find a way for them to be civil. She agreed, said she would be back Tuesday, and left for the evening.

I came back in to the group playing improv games, which was a great way to dispel the tension that the argument had brought on. The woman who felt the performance was “horrible” approached me at the end of the meeting. “Do you think I handled myself well?” she asked. “Come on,” I said, smiling, “You know you didn’t.” She asked me why I hadn’t stepped in earlier, and I told her that since the two of them were yelling and interrupting each other, they couldn’t hear Kyle and me at first. I had essentially the same conversation with her that I had had with the other woman. I also spoke more with her about semantics – that one doesn’t have to “sugarcoat” criticism, but can find ways to express honest opinions that aren’t hurtful.

“I’m going to think on this. I’m still learning,” she said. And she really is – she’s come a long way in four years, which I told her. But we all still having some growing to do.